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Winter Wonderslam V: Baja Blast
Winter Wonderslam V: Baja Blast took place on December 1st, 2018. Card A frigid wind punctures the blue and orange dunes! The thrilling BAJA BLAST wrestling card appears! Primo Family vs. Dumpster Babes ********************** The Primo Family -- Italian pizza chef Luigi Primo and his son, Pastaman -- take on PWR's NASTIEST pair: The Dumpster Babes! This trash-mutant husband and wife team will stop at nothing to despoil their opponents! Watching this match legally renews your Food Handler's Permit in the state of Texas. ********************** The Intergalactic Express {BFF Champs} vs. Big Daddy Bolero and Hog the Bounty Hunter ********************** More tag-team chaos! Our star-faring Best Friends Forever Champions descend from the cosmic reaches to stare squarely into the void: DALLAS! The North Texan tycoon, Big Daddy Bolero, enlists his porcine Floridian bodyguard to collect a GALACTIC BOUNTY! Do MERCENARY FRIENDSHIPS trump SPACE BONDS? Let's watch and see! ********************** Hot Dog {Garbageweight Champion} vs. Dr. Trahma ********************** HOT DOG is many things: A transient crustpunk, PWR's Garbageweight champion, literate in the works of Noam Chomsky, and dying of cirrhosis. But most of all, he is uninsured. Luckily, one doctor has agreed to see him pro bono! The only requirement they have is that their appointment take place in a wrestling ring. "Cool and normal!" ********************** Agent Deadlift vs. The Crusher ft. Smokin' Jay Manhattan ********************** You want to see some BIG BOYS? You want to see some massive, huge boys smacking their GIANT BODIES into each other? Well, we got ya covered, bruddy. We all know who the Crusher is: a giant man whose strength, size, and athleticism were rarely matched back in '92. And you can't talk about the Crusher without his nemesis: the truck-like Agent Deadlift. PWR is absolutely honored to announce a match the world hasn't seen in decades! A new classic unfolds in the winter desert! ********************** The Necroweight Bone Bumble ********************** The time-honored tradition continues: 15-20 of PWR's most AVAILABLE wrestlers fight, battle, and BUMBLE AROUND until ONE REMAINS! The prize: the recently purged NECROWEIGHT BELT! This dark and powerful artifact grants its wearer the ability to absorb souls, control skeletons, and confers a permanent 20% discount at Golden Corral. Anyone with an evil heart leaps at the chance to hold this wicked girdle, and true heroes clamor to keep it out of their claws! Who's gonna compete? You'll just have to wait and see, partner! ********************** << >> Puggin'Head {Partyweight Champion} vs. Baron Zahkey ********************** Puggin'Head - PWR's Partyweight Champion and REAL HUMAN BOY!!! He rides on the arm of beloved puppeteer and children's TV host Chubby Uncle Juan, as any good, felt-covered nephew might! His first title defense is against an undead, Tsarist Warlord commanding a horde of skeletons: BARON ZAHKEY! The former NECROWEIGHT TITLE holder has kept all of that belt's dark gifts, and now is going after PWR's most powerful prize! Can Puggin'head stop this undead plague from destroying the Winter Desert, and retain his title?! ASK A VIOLENT QUESTION, GET A DEADLY ANSWER! ON DECEMBER 1ST! ********************** TAD Chats: the New Special Message ********************** It's the first in PWR's TAD Chats series, and that's Total Action, Dog! Our first presenter: THE FRACTUS! It's some kind of ALIVE CACTUS SNOWMAN who has found a home in the mixed-up climes of the BAJAZONE! Let's say hello to him, as a group! ********************** SPRYDA's Search ********************** Forget about DinoRida - SPRYDA harnesses overwhelming power from an everflowing spring of TRANSLUCENT, YELLOW-GREEN SODA! SPRYDA goes with everything - but can he find his PERFECT MATCH? ********************** Be on the lookout for the following competitors somewhere in the show: Dan "The Man" Ziglar, Theodosia, Dock Master, Sweetie Tuff, Skip Rathbone, Arbitro Obscuro, Charlie Frown and more!!!! Post-Show Write Up Do you CRAVE to remember GOOD TIMES? Does your mind thirst for the sizzling Mountains of Dew? Does your flesh yearn for the savory touch of the HIDDEN VALLEY? Does your heart harken back to the frozen tundra of GRABBLER'S GULCH? Well, let the good times roll! BAJA BLAST happened, and we went to a whole other place! We had a situation...we had a big time! Do you remember?! Can you think of it? Close your eyes, and read on... New merch-store stuff will be posted tomorrow, if you missed your chance to get a shirt at the show!!! ~Dumpster Babes def. Primo Family~ ********************************* Pastaman and Luigi Primo returned as PWR's most ITALIAN tag team! They nearly cinched in a win against THE DUMPSTER BABES: their trash-plundering former employees, but a run-in by the ESSENCE OF PIZZA brought the match to a screeching halt! After everyone joined forces to repel this new foe, the Babes committed a NASTY ACT OF BETRAYAL - giving a crushing DOUBLE DECKER DUMPSTER DRIVER to the Primos and pinning/murdalizing them! ********************************* ~Hot Dog def. Dr. Trahma, Unwillingly gets new Liver~ ********************************* Medical mayhem followed shortly thereafter! Hot Dog needed a new liver, and the only Doctor willing to do the procedure pro bono demanded it be done violently, and in the context of a wrestling match. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN AWHILE, surgery was conducted in the middle of the PWR ring. After foiling their attempts to set up a payment plan, Hot Dog, deeply anesthetized, ACCIDENTALLY PINNED his foe before they could bill him for the operation! With blood and literal organs all over the canvas, Hot Dog some departed Garbageweight Champion. And with a SERVICEABLE liver! ********************************* ~Intergalactic Express def. Big Daddy Bolero + Hog The Bounty Hunter, ret BFF TITLES ~ ********************************* Next...we looked to the stars, for a ship was landing! The crusaders of Intergalactic friendship put their titles on the line against Big Daddy Bolero and his Nasty, hoglike enforcer! Space Lizard Super Wizard's high flying acumen flashed like a nebula, but he was double teamed into near submission by Bolero and his mercenary. Finally, Mr. Massive Goliath couldn't take anymore! He FLOUNCED the laws of tag team wrestling and returned IN KIND BRUTALITY to the Dallas man and his pig friend. The two aliens joined forces and vanquished hog with a well-timed GRAVITY BOMB! ********************************* ~The Crusher and Agent Deadlift def. Smokin' Jay Manhattan~ ********************************* A powerful rivalry out of time! The Crusher squared off against Agent Deadlift! The two BIGGEST MEN of the 80s and 90s returned to do battle. The father of this match? Smokin' Jay Manhattan! This guy was a real loudmouth, and we kind of regret letting him pay us to host a segment. He didn't tell us he was going to talk mad junk! He was talking mad junk! Well, after THE CRUSHER showed himself to be a tiny man in an inflatable suit, Manhattan angrily took to the ring to stomp him! But Agent Deadlift had become enlivened by the Crusher's honesty. The two BIG-HEARTED men teamed up, and BOTH WON by pinning Manhattan for a 3-count. He wasn't in the match, but he STILL LOST! ********************************* ~Skip Rathbone Def. Fractus~ ********************************* The spotlight turned to a special moment, a special talk from a creature of the desert! That creature? A combination cactus-snowman with spines inversely sharp to the touch of its noble heart! But his message of peace was interrupted by a vicious gameshow host - the cyborg Skip Rathbone! He inducted the sapient succulent into a game of 1000 SLAM PYRAMID! The nearly inscrutable rules involved secret moves being set into motion which would trigger Mountain Dew prizes from within the very pyramid of Blast! And at the center of the pyramid? Enough dew to restore the environmental balance of the Fractus's home! With so much on the line, the two warriours collided. They each won a round, and its corresponding 'dew, but then Skip pulled a dirty maneuver - stealing the Fractus's hat and RIFLING HIS SODA! The resulting spray of blue-green slurry provided the distraction needed for Skip to permanently DE-HAT his opponent and steal a pin! He then mutilated and killed the Fractus. Skip Rathbone's crimes can no longer go unpunished, something must be done! We mourn the Fractus - and swear justice. ********************************* ~A Challenge Issued, An Uncle Kidnapped!~ ********************************* Baron Zahkey had escaped from the Necro Realm - and with his army of Skeletons, terrorized the very Baja Blast! Bow, his sights were set on PUGGIN'HEAD and his PARTYWEIGHT BELT! But Puggy WOULD NOT be intimidated! But he would be EXTREMELY ATTACKED by Zahkey and his skeletons, who kidnapped Chubby Uncle Juan! Without his uncle by his side, could Puggy retain his title later in the night? We held fast, and waited... ********************************* ~Dock Master wins Bone Bumble, Becomes Necroweight Champion~ ********************************* Recently purged from the Partyweight Title, the NECROWEIGHT TITLE was now up for grabs! It's holder would be determined by...THE BONE BUMBLE! Entrant after entrant slammed into the ring and fought until only one remained..Deep breath........ Gary the Goat was the first to enter! Then, Big Daddy Bolero! A quick burst from CHARLIE FROWN came and went! The ROMAINE LEGION shot in, tormenting everyone before themselves being tossed, salad-wise by the mysterious ARBITRO OBSCURO! Mrs Fennenbaum then attacked - forcing the very same Arbitro to take a deadly POP QUIZ! But when Arby ACED HER QUIZ, she went into a TOTAL PANIC, becoming vulnerable to elimination from BDB! Holy...But BDB had to then deal with the COMBINED MIGHT of Arbitro Obscuro and Gary, who knocked him HALF OUT OF THE RING! He was hanging by a foot! The NIGHTMAYOR and his SKELETAL CITY COUNCIL preyed on the distracted pair, but when SWEETIE TUFF and CRYBABY entered, the NO CRIME PALS + GARY formed an ULTRAFORCE that crushed all opposition! But could this force handle...HOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER? The Pig-man saved BDB and eliminated Sweetie and Crybaby, oh no! That wasn't the worst of anyone's problems, because that's when the ceo of PEPSICO, Ramon Laguarta, showed up and shut the show down! Oops, guess we should've been more careful! We were all ready to go home - but then...what was that? The smooth sound of JAZZ echoed through 4th Tap! JAZZ WOLF's FURIOUS SAXAPHONE SOLOING defeated the might the DMCA takedown, annihilating the Pepsi goons! Then, just as quickly as Jazz Wolf had come, he was gone. Was it all a dream? No! Because the TALLAHASSLERS RUSHED IN and enforced POOL RULES on everyone, eliminating Hog! But Skip Rathbone, with his new hat, soon showed up. WITH A CATTLE PROD! FOR SOME REASON! WHY WAS THAT ALLOWED? He eliminated the 'Hasslers, and tased everyone, before getting eliminated by Arbitro! But was he eliminated? Referee SMOOTH VERNIE VEGAS said no, since Skip had landed on his ROBOT FOOT! As Aribtro argued with the ref, Skip TASED him in the back and hit the STACK OVERFLOW! The masked hero was canned out the ring. But who was that...DOCK MASTER! The hero of the sea had returned...and his mighty BLUENOSE suplex dispatched Skip! Dan the Man was next to enter - and in a flurry we'd never seen, he smacked hell out everyone! The timeless rivalry rekindled - DAN VS DOCK! The two went back and forth more prodigiously...but where the HALIFAX HAMMER failed to HANDILY HOIST Dan, a reversed VISIBLE HAND OF CAPITALISM sent Dan downward over the top rope! Goodbye, Dan! Gary and Big Daddy Bolero, who'd started the match, fought on as Dock Master recovered from his melee. Gary absorbed BDB's worst - and managed to eliminate his foe, leaving Gary and Dock face to face! The two fought with fury and respect, and Dock tried to eliminate Gary with his full arsenal, saving his ultimate, devastating finisher. But the goat would simply not go down. Dock Master had no choice but to either try the Bluenose, or be defeated by PWR's MOST STUBBORN WRESTLER! Dock made his move, and evaded Gary's flailing butts and strikes, facelocking him for the dreaded suplex hold. The goat had fought the entire match, and couldn't resist the Canadian's grip. Dock Master put him down hard, visibly weeping. He had won. The dark belt was presented to him. Spirits murmured; the air darkened, and Dock Master was gone. ********************************* ~Theodosia Def. Sprida, Learns Lesson~ ********************************* And the lights didn't come back on for awhile...we had some technical difficulties! But when the lights did shine again, a NEW HERO approached! Not Dino Rida...but SPRIIIDA! That's right, SPRIDA! This lemon-lime dynamo was looking for his PERFECT MATCH! But Theodosia, PWR's former Partyweight Champion and unfrozen-pioneer-times woman, felt the weight of a serious CRUSH! She wanted to be that very match! She asked SPRIDA on a date...a MANDATORY DATE! Sprida gracefully declined - but Theo wouldn't have it. Flustered, she defaulted to her normal state - wrestling! The two performed reversal and counter-reversal in a timeless dance, and all the while Theo tryed to corsage her opponent's wrist, take polaroids, and do other date-stuff! The UN-MAGICAL EVENING came to a crashing halt as a Sprida got thrown through a SPAGHETTI DINNER table! Theo hit a new, fantastic finisher, and pinned the agile fruit-man for a 3 count. By law, Sprida had to now go on a date with her, and he said he would. But Theo seemed to understand, then, upon hearing the sadness in his voice and seeing the darkening of his citrus-wedge eyes. She'd overstepped her boundaries! She apologized for not listening to Sprida, and released him from his date-clause. They shook hands and Theo departed - a FRIEND to Sprida and to the multiverse! ********************************* ~NARRC Def. Valkyries, Disbands~ ********************************* The Valkyries were then set to take on the NARRC! But BULL DECROIX and the CONDUCTOR SNUCK UP, and cracked Valkyrie Raven's wing! Unable to compete, they summoned CHOOCHADOR to take her place! The match was on! CHOOCHADOR and BLITZEN vs. THE NARRC! At this point in the night, our overhead lighting truss failed again, so the ring was mostly in shadow. The Multiverse responded to this problem by LIFTING THEIR CELL PHONES for the glory of Teen Worm, ILLUMINATING THE RING WITH BY THE STRENGTH OF THEIR WILL! It was truly a Baja Miracle!!! Under these foxfires of Party Violence, the battle raged! The RAW TRAINPOWER of the NARRC met with the unstoppable warriorship of the Valkyries! The athleticism and and ferocity of the Wormherjar seemed to be winning the day, but the massive NARRC powered them down. Ultimately, though, the TEAMWORK of the servants of WORMHALLA outclassed the ungainly alliance of TRAINLAW. Bull DeCroix went nuts, attacking his former partner, and hitting the COUP DE CROIX on everyone in sight! He'd TOTALLY GONE OFF THE RAILS! His wicked locomotive fury sent him through friend and foe alike, until he left the victor - and vowed away partnership forever... ********************************* ~Puggin'Head def. Baron Zahkey, retains PARTYWEIGHT TITLE~ ********************************* The moment had arrived - Puggin'Head, by himself, squared up against Barron Zahkey! The little guy gave it everything he had. He knocked the WARLORD OF VAGUELY EASTERN PROVENANCE all about the ring with a fantastic array of maneuvers. But the undead power of Zahkey....how could anyone stand against it? Puggy did his best - and it looked like he would finish off the Baron with a top-turnbuckle splash! Zahkey got to his feet quicker than PWR'S FAVORITE REAL BOY thought possible - and delivered the RED SCARE to Puggy! Zahkey called for Chubby Uncle Juan to be brought out, he wanted him to witness the destruction of his nephew! We watched in horror...but Juan broke the grip of the skeletons restraining him with STIFF MICROPHONE SHOTS TO THE SKULL! He begged the crowd to CHANT FOR PUGGY! Zahkey pounded Juan down, but Juan would not stop extoling the Multiverse to CHEER AND CHANT! And then...it happened! Puggin'head rose up from his stupor, powered by the voices of the bearers of wrestling fire...AND GREW INTO A 10 FOOT TALL MONSTER-BOY! This SUPERCHARGED PUGGY made short work of Zahkey! With the Partyweight Belt defended, and Zahkey's skeletal minions freed, Juan was left to wonder how Puggy would fit into his HONDA CIVIC on the ride home! The wind blew once more across our faces, the hot-cold sea spray kissed our eyelids, and the red-black Capri Sun set behind us. This was Baja Blast! WE were together in a glorious SUPER SEASON! THIS WAS PWR! See you in March! Category:Show